It's hard to fight these feelings (when it's hard to breathe)
by korilove
Summary: Stiles and Lydia end up back at the Stilinski home after a terrifying day. Mentions of Allison's death and other characters' peril. Set sometime in the near future, spoilers up to the end of 4x06. M for language and sexual themes.


**A/N: Hi everyone! This is my very first story that I've written. It was swirling around in my head and I finally decided to put it down. Keep in mind when you read this that Stiles and Malia are no longer together at this point, and Stiles is no longer inexperienced. Set sometime in the future during s4. **

**Happy reading and please review!**

They drove in silence back to Stiles' house. Since the jeep was out of commission, Lydia drove him home. The awkward silence hung in the air but neither of them could think of what to say, both of them staring straight at the road in front of them.

The day had been long and hard and they were both trying not to think about the day's events. Kira's life hung in the balance and Scott had been completely inconsolable. After hours of waiting and no change, he'd insisted they go home and rest.

So they had.

Lydia pulled into the driveway and killed the engine. She turned and looked at Stiles, who was looking at his front door.

"Are you going to be okay tonight by yourself?" He asked her.

Her mind raced through everything. How could the closest friend she'd had since Allison possibly leave her too? It was too much to think about, and the pain was obvious on her face.

"No." She whispered.

Stiles turned to look at her, and took her hand away from the steering wheel and held it in his own. "Do you want to come in? My dad is still at the precinct." She nodded gingerly and unbuckled her seatbelt.

He led her to and through the house and up to his room. It looked just as it always did, a bit dysfunctional and messy except for his bulletin board, always meticulously organized with information on the situation at hand - colour coded with what they knew and what they didn't.

Stiles let go of her hand as he entered the room and sat down with a heavy sigh on his bed. Lydia lurked in the doorway, as if she was unsure how to proceed. She'd been in his bedroom countless times at this point, trying to figure out who the benefactor was, the fallout from Meredith's suicide, trying to find clues to where he was when the nogitsune ruled him. But somehow this was different. After the day they'd had she wasn't sure anything was the same.

"Hey, everything's going to be okay you know. Kira's tough, she'll pull through." He had crossed back to the door of his room and leaned up against it, looking straight at her. She looked up at him, focusing on dried blood that had dribbled down from his head earlier that was just peeking out from his hair line at his temple. He said the words to comfort her, but she could tell deep down he wasn't so sure.

"How is everything going to be okay? Kira is fighting for her life, Scott is a fucking wreak, Derek has apparently dropped off the face of the planet and you were almost fucking killed today!" She explodes, the emotions she'd been fighting all day come pouring out. She'd seen it with her own eyes, felt it before it even happened. She had screamed for his life, and somehow he'd come through without more than a crack to the head.

Shaking, she walks past him through the doorway and starts pacing in front of his bed.

"I felt it coming and I screamed. You know what my scream means Stiles. I honestly thought you were going to die -" she chokes out the last sentence while failing to hold back the tears that had been brimming her eyes for most of the day. Suddenly he's in front of her, stopping her pacing with his hands. He grabs hers and brings them to his face.

"I know. I didn't die through. I'm right here Lyds, and I'm not going anywhere." He looks at her, his eyes boring into her, knowing and firm. She looks back through the tears and she can feel her heart hammering in her chest. His hands over hers are hot and his face underneath is cool, she can feel his 5 o'clock shadow pricking at her palms.

"You promise?" She breathes, barely able to stop it from coming out. "I can't handle losing anyone else I love."

He gasps when the words register.

As soon as the words tumble out, she tries to pull her right hand away to cover her mouth, but Stiles is too quick and pulls it back. There's no doubt what she said, even though she had whispered it.

Still, he searches her eyes and brings his voice to a whisper; "You love me?" He asks.

She stares back and she knows she can't take it back. She's tried fighting it and tried burying it but it keeps fighting it's way back to the surface. She closes her eyes and sighs. "Maybe." She replies.

It's not a denial.

She tries to turn away to run, everything about this day is wrong and she just needs to bury herself in her bed sheets and pass out. But Stiles is not having any of it. He drops her hands and pulls her face closer as he leans in to press his lips to hers.

She melts into his kiss, letting herself kiss him back and bring her hands up into his hair. His hands move from her face to one clutching at her back, the other in her strawberry blonde tresses.

He licks the seam of her lips and she lets his tongue enter, and he sighs into her mouth. She licks the taste of spearmint gum from his teeth, while he backs them up to the bed.

She knows this is a bad idea somewhere in the back of her mind but it's like her brain's been shut off. She's running on emotion and her body reacts of its own accord. She can feel everything she's been fighting and her fear that he was going to be ripped from her, she pours it all into their kiss. Stiles lays her down on her back and breaks their kiss to bring his lips to her neck. He peppers light kisses there and down to her collar bone while she gets completely lost in the way he's making her feel.

He breaks away to look at her and she reaches for his shirt to pull it off. He smiles and pulls hers off in return. She brings him back in and kisses him feverishly, like he is her air and if she stops she might die. His hands roam her back and he finds the latch on her bra, flicking it open with ease. She breaks the kiss and looks up at him questioningly, cocking an eyebrow. He smirks a devilish grin and pulls the leopard print bra away.

He looks at her in awe once it's free. He sighs just from the sight of her. "_God _you are so beautiful." He breathes.

She feels the heat creep up to her face. She'd been called many things in situations like this: sexy, hot, etc. Never beautiful. Jackson had never said it, and she and Aiden where usually all about the endgame, so not much talking.

But Stiles is different and he smiles when he sees her blush. He kisses her again sweetly before turning his attention to her breasts.

He slowly moves away from her face and brings his hands to meet him. He caresses her skin and she feels like she's on fire. When he takes a nipple in his mouth she moans, her voice betraying her completely. He swirls his tongue around her nipple, playing and moulding her, while his fingers pinch the other. Once he's satisfied himself with them for now, he kisses his way down her belly, open mouthed kisses that leave her breathless.

He wriggles her out of her skirt and thong, leaving her naked on his bed. He kisses himself lower to her. She feels oddly free with him, no shame or discomfort. She feels completely safe with him, something she desperately needs. He brings his hand over her mound and she can feel the anticipation growing in her.

He teases her a bit, letting his fingers explore her until he finds her clit and begins. He eases himself down further and places a kiss on her inner thigh before he removes his hand from her and places his mouth there instead. Her back bows so far off the bed she sees the headboard.

Stiles chuckles and he begins to lash at her with his tongue. She briefly wonders how he got so good at this because _oh god _but the thought is lost once he pushes two fingers into her.

He builds up the pressure until her fingers are laced in his hair again and she is moving with him, struggling to get to her peak. When he drives her over the edge she gasps "oh my fucking god!"

He lets her come down a bit before he removes his hand and wipes his mouth on the back of his wrist. He looks up at her and she's panting, still riding the wave. She smiles and he moves back up to kiss her. He tastes like musky girl come and she sighs into his kiss.

She moves to his neck and kisses there, one kiss between each word while she says "You. Have. Way. Too. Much. Clothes. On."

He chuckles and moves off her to shuck off his jeans and boxers. She sits up and watches him while he rummages in his side table for a condom.

Once he opens one and rolls it over himself, he crawls back on the bed and pushes her back down again. She leans up to kiss him and he whispers, "Are you sure this is okay?" His eyes searching, wanting to be sure, even though she can see the lust behind it.

Lydia looks up at him and nods. "Yes. Please. " She breathes.

He nods back at her and he places himself in between her thighs. He slowly pushes himself inside and she feels him fill her up. They both groan their approval.

"Fuck Lyds."

"Mmm" she agrees.

She flips them over, and starts to find her own pace to get them going. He fits so perfectly inside her, she didn't think it were possible. He meets her thrusts eagerly, his hands resting on her ass while she rides him.

He's groaning and he flips them back over and whispers in her ear "I won't last too long if you keep that up." She laughs.

They begin to move together again, building up a steady rhythm. He's hitting places she didn't even know existed and _oh fuck _it feels so good she feels like she floating.

He kisses her neck while he fucks her, the gentleness of his kisses making her weak. He moves his lips to her collarbone, where he kisses and sucks and nibbles her skin. She would notice the next day the love bite and smile.

Once she begins to tighten around him, he reaches his hand between them and finds her clit again. _Oh god, oh fuck_ he brings her right over the edge with it and he follows her seconds later, saying her name as he does.

They both lay there, Stiles collapsed on top of her while they both breathe heavily. It feels perfect, she doesn't even want him to move.

"Fuck." he sighs as he pulls out of her, and she immediately feels like part of her is missing. He discards the condom in his trash can and lays back down beside her on the bed and she snuggles into him. His hand comes up behind her head and absent-mindedly wraps her hair between his fingers. They lay like that for what seems like forever, just breathing and enjoying the feel of skin on skin.

When he breaks their silence about 20 or so minutes later, his voice cracks from misuse and it's just above a whisper. "So, that was.." He starts but she hits him playfully in the chest and smiles. He chuckles.

"You love me don't you?" He tries again.

She glances up at him and smiles, placing a kiss to his lips and she sighs.

"Yes Stiles, I do."


End file.
